Wordishness


  1. EXT. - Nazareth carpentry shop - day

    • JESUS CHRIST is sanding a piece of wood.

    • Elijah:
      Hey, Jesus. What's up?

    • Jesus:
      Elijah! My man.

    • They FISTBUMP.

    • Elijah:
      Not much, you know. Hey, whatcha workin' on?

    • Jesus:
      Chair.

    • Elijah:
      Another one? What is this, like number six?

    • Jesus:
      Eight.

    • Elijah:
      Eight.

    • Jesus attaches the wood to complete a RICKETY-LOOKING CHAIR. He gestures invitingly to it.

    • Elijah:
      Oh, no. No thanks, Jesus. You made it; you should go fir-

    • Jesus:
      Come on. This one's good. I know it.

    • Elijah, resigned to what he must do, hikes up his robe slightly and sits gently in the chair. A beat. The chair collapses, sending PARTS and SPLINTERS everywhere.

    • Jesus:
      Goddamn it.

    • Elijah picks himself up and brushes of dust.

    • Elijah:
      It's okay, man. Next one'll be great.

    • Jesus:
      No, I'm done. That's it. I think I'm gonna try something else.

    • Elijah:
      Like what?

    • Jesus:
      Maybe go door-to-door with my Message.

    • Elijah:
      What, like a Jehovah's Witness?

    • Jesus:
      A what?

    • Elijah:
      Nevermind.

    • Jesus:
      Yeah, you know, just spread the word. 'Love thy neighbor' kind of thing.

    • Elijah:
      Whatever you say. Where are you gonna start?

    • Jesus:
      Maybe Judea. Head up there Monday, just after my birthday.

    • Elijah:
      Well, be sure to get an early start. They're saying Christmas traffic's gonna be a bitch this year.

    • EXEUT OMNES.

    • FIN.